Surprise, Muthaf*cka!

(Spoiler Alert!) Ozymandias didn't kill The Comedian. A four-year old lie did!

Ahhhhhhh. I love spoiling movies for you. It's your fault that you haven't seen Watchmen and you're reading this. You fail.

Speaking of fail, Mr. The Comedian himself can now claim a dependent on his 1090. An ex of his sprung him with the biggest trap in the history of all man.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan discovered he’s the father of an ex-girlfriend’s four year old son.

The 42-year-old met his child for the first time just weeks ago, after discovering his actress/producer ex Sherrie Rose had given birth in secret. Rose confirms to Us Weekly magazine, “Yes, I have a four year old son with Jeffrey.”

And Morgan is ready to make amends for his absence in the boy’s early years, with a source telling the magazine, “He wants to be in the child’s life.” [ICYDK]

Morgan's camp has not confirmed about the newly discovered spawn. Still, you gotta feel for this guy. To be sprung up with news that you fathered a living breathing thing just derails you. It's like man's version of rape. You're attacked by a vicious thing like this and now you're expected to live with it forever. My God! Bail, Comedian! Bail!