(Editor's Note: I'm so f'n hungover right now. It's amazing that I still can write with the frame of mind that I'm in. I'm also in a range of emotions right now. You know, euphoric, drunk, angry, drunk, hazy, drunk, belligerent, drunk, slackish, drunk. You know, "the classics.")
Paddlin' the school boat. You know that's a paddlin'.
I didn't know Connecticut was part of Nazi Germany. Well, to be fair, at least one school in the Nutmeg State (very fruity nickname, BTW) is instituting some rigid rules and punishments about kids touching each other. Because, of course, that's the most illegal touch of all. Forget teachers touching students because that never happens. F*ck, I'm in a tangent right now. Focus. Focus.
(**takes beer shotgun**)
Ok, better.
According to WFSB, a Milford, CT middle school instituted a no-touching policy among its students, which means no high-fives, no hugs, no adolescent experimentation (y'know what I'm talking about, or maybe not. I peaked early in my sexual upbringing). You do that, you go to detention. The policy was instated after fights sparked at the school including one in which someone was punched in the groin (nice).
Surprisingly, I'm all for it. Those little bastards brought it upon themselves with these thuggish high-fives and raunchy, innocent-looking hugs. This is Connecticut, for God sakes, not Brooklyn or hippy-ass Washington or Oregon. You got more sense than to make adolescent cuddles or black fraternity-style handshakes. Childhood is rough, you little twits, and high school will get rougher. Before you know it, you're passed out at a party and the next morning you got writing on your torso with an arrow pointing down at your pelvis with the words "Got Herpes." I'm not the only one, right? Right?!
(**takes beer shotgun**)
Ok, better.
According to WFSB, a Milford, CT middle school instituted a no-touching policy among its students, which means no high-fives, no hugs, no adolescent experimentation (y'know what I'm talking about, or maybe not. I peaked early in my sexual upbringing). You do that, you go to detention. The policy was instated after fights sparked at the school including one in which someone was punched in the groin (nice).
Surprisingly, I'm all for it. Those little bastards brought it upon themselves with these thuggish high-fives and raunchy, innocent-looking hugs. This is Connecticut, for God sakes, not Brooklyn or hippy-ass Washington or Oregon. You got more sense than to make adolescent cuddles or black fraternity-style handshakes. Childhood is rough, you little twits, and high school will get rougher. Before you know it, you're passed out at a party and the next morning you got writing on your torso with an arrow pointing down at your pelvis with the words "Got Herpes." I'm not the only one, right? Right?!
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