F*ck! Why Am I the Last One to Spout Out About This?!

Hey. HEY! This chick is 16, dammit. I'm not a f'n teen porn site. Unless it's barely legal.

As much as I like the superficial enthusiasm for Dancing with the Stars, I admit that nothing interesting ever comes to that show. At the end, we'll get some former boy bander who unsurprisingly will win it all or an athlete that surprisingly will win it all. So with that said, one of the athletes currently on the show so totally was almost killed this week by a guy who said she was communicating with him through the TV. No, really.

Robert O'Ryan claims he was meant to be with Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson, one of the celebrity contestants on the show.

When police arrested him, he had two loaded guns.

O'Ryan left his home in Florida and drove across the country because he says Shawn Johnson is speaking to him personally through the television and using ESP to communicate with him.

Johnson's mother went to court and filed a restraining order against O'Ryan.

Police say he is dangerous. [CNS/KESQ]

Hm. The story goes on to say that O'Ryan was found with the "classic" kidnapping equipment. You know, duct tape, rope, honey, jar of ants, the works.

I swear, it's pricks like O'Ryan that ruin it for other guys like me who just wanna holla at a gymnast chick like Shawn Johnson, who is, mind you, 16 freakin' years old! You know, holla at bitches with out the emotional baggage that comes along with it, like, oh say, pretending that your communicating with people through television! And the 16-year-old thing actually doesn't phase me. I knew a whole slew of chicks back in middle school (14, 15 year olds) going with some really old dudes (21, 28, 35). That's what I hated back then, shit like that. But now I'm that age range. Victory for me. Gotta love girls with daddy issues.

ADDENDUM: Here's Shawn with the Hamm twins (I swear they're poking each other) trying to make their tacos pop. No, really.