Check 'Yes' or 'No' (!)

The euphoria of writing funny, witty sh*t has worn off.

Kids these days won't do anything simple.

I'm f*ckin' done with romance. As a younger, naive, wide-eyed rascally scamp, I would always think of ways that I could sweep the girl I like of her feet. From flowers to, get this, surprising, unexpected flowers (Ooooooooooo!), I had thought of ways and sometimes executed them to impress a woman.

But men, life is going to come haunting on you when you realize that your best foot forward is never good enough. You could think of the best thing to do for the woman you like. For instance, you could come to the crazy sense to buy them anything they want. Or you can hold their bags while they shop and pretend to like what they're wearing. It also comes tougher for average guys like me. Unless you have something that stands out (i.e. a crazy sense of humor, nice hair, a huge penis, all of which I have *crossing fingers*), then you'll be able to catch. Soon enough, though, you have to start taking charge, give the woman a persuasive but forceful rhetoric about why you're better than anybody they've come across (with a light slap on their ass, of course). Also, pretend what they're saying is important. (I don't have the answers but what I'm doing doesn't produce.) If they don't bite, f*ck 'em.

Why this bitter talk all of a sudden? Well, check out what this chivalrous attempt of romance got an 18-year-old:

Authorities told The Island Packet of Hilton Head that the 18-year-old man was caught spray painting the word "prom" on the beach near the home Sunday of the young lady he wanted to take to the dance. A neighbor had called police.

Deputies made the teen clean the area, but did not file any charges.

No word on whether she said yes. [AP/Island Packet]

If I could give you men out there advice, then that advice would come from Alan Arkin's character in Little Miss Sunshine who gave some advice to his silent grandson:

Listen to me, I got no reason to lie to you, don't make the same mistakes I made when I was young. Fuck a lotta women, kid, not just one woman, a lotta women. [IMDb]

I'm trying, Gramps. I'm trying.