Cooter Scooter: Colbert Pwns NASA, Fart and Get Suspended, Portia Di Rossi's Sorry

I'm kinda twisted. Your first clue shoud have been the title of this blog.

Bow before your Lord Emporer Stephen.

Stephen Colbert will soon be the dark ruler of outer space. The Colbert Report host/moderator/downright god urged viewers of his show to write-in his name to be entered in a contest to name a new room to the International Space Station. Guess what:

The name "Colbert" beat out NASA's four suggested options in the space agency's effort to have the public help name the addition.

Colbert urged viewers of his Comedy Central show to write in his name. And they complied, with 230,539 votes. That clobbered Serenity, one of the NASA choices, by more than 40,000 votes. [AP/ABC News]

Serenity=gay, douchey, and probably forcefully contrived like one of my deuces. (See, I knew I was eventually gonna talk about my BM.) The Colbert Space Station may not hold up, though. NASA will decide on a final name in April. And just like any entity in the government, NASA has no, NO F'n sense of humor. Prepare to be devestated Colbert-philes.

Even children can be the source of biological warfare.

In immaturity news, a Florida teen got suspended for farting on the bus...repeatedly. I was gonna defend this kid before reading this whole story. I mean, passing gas is a very natural effect of the human body and I don't get why people are so f'n uppity about that. It's not like they never had a bowel movement ever. Then, I read the rest of the story and I'm now thinking, "This kid had his comeuppance."

The bus driver wrote on a misbehavior form that a 15-year-old teen passing gas on the bus Monday to make the other children laugh, creating a stench so bad that it was difficult to breathe. The bus driver handed the teen the suspension form the next day.

Polk County school officials said there's no rule against flatulence, but there are rules against causing a disturbance on the bus.The teen said he wasn't the one passing gas. [AP]

The story goes on to say that a 13-year-old in a neighboring town was arrested after he was accused of passing gas in class (heh. rhymes.) Well, sh*t, if they are arresting people left and right for the natural occurance of farting then they should put me on death row. There was this one time I farted in front of a group of girls. After it was made, I rose one eyebrow and said, "Ladies, who had the big lunch today?"

Finally, Lindsey Bluth-Fünke...correction...Portia DiRossi-DeGeneres apologized for her marriage to Ellen D. Not actually. She did one of those fake PSAs on Jimmy Kimmel Live and basically apologized to the various Yes on Prop 8 demonstrators. It was funny. But I wasn't really interested in Ms. DiRossi. She's funny as sh*t but I can't forgive her, a very hot blonde Australian, for throwing off the male-to-female ratio a little deeper. I don't care if there's more women than men on this earth. There is no excuse to go mess that up, Ms. DiRossi. And to top things off, you married Ellen DeGeneres? Are you f'n kidding me?! I would understand it if it was Jennifer Beals or her annoying yogurt-toting castmate on The L Word. But don't stand there like no hearts were ripped when you, Ms. Mandy Rogers (that's her real F'n name. Look it up!), made "the leap." You are just a pawn and you will be available to a lot of straight men soon just like that other "lesbian" head case who said she just got off a space ship and started knocking on doors that one time. Oh, yeah, here's her "apology":