I don't mean to be cocky, but...ahem...LOOK AT IT!Not drawing anything from the mixed reviews this movie chalked up, I thought Watchmen was dope. (That's exactly what I said coming out of theatre. If you still think I should go back to 1990 with that suburban-turned-gangster wannabe slang then eat my ass, will ya?) Anyways, Watchmen, to me, was where 300 left off with the edition of a modern-day swing to it. (Zack Snyder, master virtuoso of celluloid, directed both movies.) To make up for all those half naked men with spears in 300, Watchmen made up with a full naked blue guy...with, ahem, a spear. (Sorry, last dick joke. Seriously.) As someone who loves movie violence sadism, I loved how Snyder brought back mind-blowing and graphic fight scenes (i.e. dude who got his arm bone popped out through the skin in the alley fight) and paired that with pop music of all things. It just brings that American Psycho vibe into the equation. (Are you hip to be square?) Yes, it was heartbreaking to see Grey's Anatomy's Denny (apparently, when you die of cancer you can come back and have ghost sex with hateful bitch actresses like Katherine Heigl) get messed the fuck up in the first scene. Then, you find progression in the digression of The Comedian's character, played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan.
The movie goes on with Patrick Wilson playing the Nite Owl and Malin "Must Show My Ridiculously Small Ta-Ta's" Akerman as Silk Spectre and Matthew Goode, who I think is a very good actor (I recommend Imagine Me and You as a Matthew Goode-primer), as Ozymandias. Then, there's Rorschach. Dude is like my idol. His character has good intentions, it's just that the way he goes about it just makes you think he was in the clank before. He was played masterfully by Jackie Earle Haley aka the hilarious Dukes in Semi-Pro aka the tiniest kid in The Bad News Bears aka the child molestor who castrated himself in Little Children. Haley is a diminuitive guy but they made him the baddest badass at 5'5". I thought he was the MVP of the movie.Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention Mr. Golden God himself Billy Crudup playing Dr. Manhatten. I was disappointed that his balls out CGI performance didn't actually happen with his balls hanging out. (Now, before you get into any thoughts about this author's sexual orientation, I'd like to say is .... LOOK OVER THERE. BEHIND YOU. **Running away**) Back to this, Crudup's Dr. Manhatten was faithful to the graphic novel's Manhatten. Crudup was excellent as always, not really top notch, though. Of course, if you need an MVP performance from Crudup, look no further than Almost Famous. Extra incentive: you get like three seconds of Kate Hudson's left nipple. But don't let that not stop you from watching it.
Dude, writing a blog post while on a sleeping pill about seeing something you saw while getting drunk in a movie theatre is taxing. Taxing, I say. I dare you to see that Jonas Brothers movie on 'shrooms. There, that's your 3D movie there!
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