What a Weak End

The Rockets lose. SNL with Will Ferrell was underwhelming. And John Mayer scores with 12 chicks in night. How?

Induce vomiting...now. This weekend just proved to cap off the chocolate starfish week that it was. Aside from being stood up for a playdate, twice, I was offered a grand tour of what the inside of my apartment looked like for the unteenth time. And worst of all, I was nowhere near drunk in this whole process. The positives I can see, though, is that I'm in line to get a bigger place soon so I guess I can passout in a nicer environment after a night of Slippery Nipples and Fuzzy Navels. Yes, let's get drunk off wine coolers.

As far as what people apart from myself did this weekend, the Lakers got their way finally throwing away my Rockets like a Mexican made condom. The Lake Show, like a good porn starlet who likes to take it in the bum, reamed and blew out Houston's anal cavity, 89-70, to advance to the Western Conference Finals. As a parting shot to the Lakers, I hope Kobe Bryant and Phil Jackson give each other crabs.

Saturday Night Live became intriguing to me when I found out the last two episodes of the season were going to be hosted by Justin Timberlake and Will Ferrell. I knew JT would turn in a great perfromance in his stint. So I expected the same from the SNL alum. But aside from the expected Jeopardy parody, which included the usual ream out from Sean Connery and surprise appearances by Tom Hanks and Turd Ferguson aka Burt Reynolds aka Norm MacDonald, I was underwhelmed by this ep. It was kinda like SNL blowing a wasted load with guest appearance after guest appearance. Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph returned, and guests like Anne Hathaway and Paul Rudd made appearances. I guess expected more from this show but, then again, the show is much like the father that ran out on you when you were 11. He said he was going to play catch with me but he decided to play catch with his "other son." I hate you, DAD! I hate you!

Here's the Jeopardy clip:

Finally, John Mayer worked his magic in Beverly Hills this weekend. He came out of a club with his shirt covered in lipstick stains. He also began to go dance fever on all of our asses. Jackassery and douchebaggery all at work. [TMZ has the video.] How does this guy with all this doucheyness stay likable? Maybe it's because he's famous and he can. That's not a good answer. John Mayer, I will never get you. You wore this short sailors shorts and you have no problem with that. You date Jennifer Aniston and you drop her like Britney dropped her child. I don't know where you end and begin. Gah! The frustrating mysteries of life!