Sunday's Three Foregone Conclusions

Eb-Bon-Knee and Eye-Verrr-Reee...Come together in perfect har-mo-knee.

The Lakers are clutch when they need to be. It's a foregone conclusion to see Kobe take over a game especially in big showcase matchups. Kobe erupted for an NBA Finals Career High (how many people can claim that?) of 40 in Game 1 against Orlando on Thursday. But despite his team high 29 points, it was a true team effort that kept L.A. from falling behind against the Magic in Game 2. The Lakers take a 2-0 lead with a 101-96 overtime win. In other Laker-related foregone conclusions, Kobe is more than likely to get away with sleeping with your girlfriend. He can just say I'm Kobe Bryant. Then, panties drop. I'm just sayin'.

That's the look of someone breaking their French virginity.

When Rafael Nadal got bounced from the French Open, it was Roger Federer's tournament to win and nobody else's. It's been a foregone conclusion in the past to see 22-year-old Spaniard Nadal dominate the field on clay at the French Open. They should have just renamed the whole tournament after him. And time after time, Mr. Swiss Miss himself RoFed has fallen victim to Nadal. He's good on grass. He's good on the hard court. He just can't seem to get a handle of the red clay. But Sunday was his time to capture that elusive French Open title, against the guy who beat Nadal, of all people. RoFed won in straight sets to capture his career grand slam (U.S., Australian, Wimbledon, the others) and his record tying 14th Grand Slam title. Good job, ace! Now, we can stop paying attention to tennis for a while. That's if Maria Sharapova and Anna Kournikova release a hot lesbian sex tape tomorrow. Reel me in for that one!

I knew you doubted him. Now, he will make you his bitch.

Tiger Woods is a sick, sick man. There is no golfer in the world that can match what Tiger is doing. He shot a shitty 75 on Saturday at the Memorial in Ohio. Then, he turned it around from 4 strokes behind the lead and took the outright win. I believe I was in awe during his four stroke comeback in April at the Arnold Palmer Invitational. Believe this: this is Tiger's fifth win after coming back from four or more strokes behind the lead. Do not sleep on Tiger. Do not ever sleep on this dude. If Tiger can do the impossible, then I believe I will be able to sleep with a hot blonde, big boobed 20-year-old who likes it in the poop shooter. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!