Chris Crocker Worships Kanye

Oh, Lord. I'm getting caught up in some incident that shouldn't be fussed up about. My feeling is that Kanye pulled a dick move on Taylor Swift and, by extension, Beyonce for simply declaring that "Single Ladies," which is JUST a music video, was the best of all time. (I guess art is subjective all the time.) Anyways, I'm thinking back to this incident and the Janet Jackson-Super Bowl incident. Kanye did not cuss. Kanye didn't whip out his penis. Kanye did not even kill Taylor Swift on stage. He simply spoke his dangerous mind. Janet Jackson flashed her titty for just 2-seconds and it caused a six-figure fine and changed how live events would be shown for the long run. What I'm just going to say is to chill out people. Taylor is going to live and be stronger from this. We now know that Beyonce, despite being the big superstar she is, could be the classiest celebrity out there now, and she sure doesn't need Kanye to tell people that. I've been envisioning prime time news show exclusive interviews with Kanye West or Taylor Swift. 60 Minutes or 20/20 or Dateline or the Today Show will blow this out and promote the hell out of it. What makes Kanye tick? on the next 60 Minutes. All of this can only hurt Kanye at the moment. Defenders and detractors be damned, Kanye has long been notorious for this type of business and I think it's all gone down to fatigue from the general public. In fact, I don't think the public in general knows Kanye's songs apart from Kanye's base genre listeners. They definitely know who Taylor Swift is though. This could be Kanye's Waterloo. (How about the timing also. Kanye, Jay-Z, and Rihanna are scheduled to perform on the first Jay Leno Show.)

And with that, I give you above internet half-celebrity/hermaphrodite Chris Crocker's say in the whole Kanye thing, complete with juggaboo salt shaker. Enjoy!

What a Fish Dick

MTV Shows

I guess we were over due for Kanye's next award show interruption and outburst, but it came Sunday night at the apparently still relevant MTV Video Music Awards in NYC.

Taylor Swift, 19, white, blonde, and absolutely adorable, accepted her award for Best Female Video, and she didn't even get out two complete thoughts before Kanye crashed the acceptance speech, grabbed the mic from Swift, and proclaimed that Beyonce's "Single Ladies" video was essentially better than Swift's video and the "best of all-time."

Priceless reactions: Beyonce in total mortification, Taylor Swift in delight terror, and the Radio City Music Hall in total disatisfaction of Kanye's act.

I've been aware of Kanye's douchebaggery for a long time but GD if he doesn't make some good records. Still, Mr. West's act is getting tired now and it wouldn't be a surprise if someone muzzled this fool. Then again, he provides that controversy and attention and apparently any publicity, good or bad, is still publicity. And it's due to that, he holds the argument that if you don't have him on anywhere then you suffer.

Also, Kanye essentially told a Taylor Swift, who has seen her own share of success, in front of her face and in front of the world that she's not worthy of a skyrocketing career like Beyonce's or his own. I guess there's no beating any graciousness into him.

Here's a hidden gem from Kanye's douchebaggery past. This time it's at the European Music Awards 2007. Go get 'em, Mr. West.

As for the rest of the show, host Russell Brand did no better than last year's showing. And the production of the show just was messy. Doesn't matter. MTV does not exist to me.

UPDATE: I have a new found respect for Beyonce Knowles. Kudos to you to give Taylor her stolen moment.

Kris Allen - Heartless - Live on Late Night

Damn. He made a Kanye song better than Kanye.

I watched none of this past season's American Idol. Frankly, I didn't care if Adam Lambert had to much sugar in his tank or whatever. And there was no off the chart hot chick that made it towards the end. Take notes America, vote for the moderatly talented, extremely sexy blonde next time.

So apparently the American Idol winner Kris Allen did an acoustic rendition of Kanye West's "Heartless" during the season. And he did it again on Late Night with Conan O'Brien Jimmy Fallon. I'll just say that I could hear America's collective panties drop during that performance. And, I'll admit the boy sure got some soul. I wouldn't care as much usually but it was Kanye song I think I can sing better if I was hogtied and had ants crawling up my legs. Oh, here's the performance:

'The Monster's' Ex is in a Video, Too

How Rihanna got her groove back. Despite the media portrayal of her being the victim to a violent domestic spat with Chris Brown, Ms. 'Robyn F', as she was addressed in a court complaint against Brown, still proved her sexiness in this weird yet aesthetically-pleasing music video for Kanye West's "Paranoid".

She got to spin on a tourniquet, make expressive faces, many of them smiles BTW, and got to drive what appears to be a Mach 5 in front of a white projection sheet. Say what you will about who's right between CB and Rihanna, but principles is principles, right? Do you beat down with brute force hit a woman? Well, if she works for you every night on a street corner on Hollywood Boulevard, then all bets are off.

Oh, yeah, Chris Brown acted a fool today, too.

Cooter Suiter: One Line Thoughts for 4/21

The Rebel Force will be run by wookies. 'Nuff said.

Picture above is actually that of Iranian snipers and not wookies. But in your heart of hearts, Chewie's species don't need AKs to kick ass.

Lily Allen was on The View, essentially down-playing her real-life role as a "popwreck." I want to believe her, but I can't. That third nipple of hers is all the reason.

Apparently, The Fray likes "fish sticks" as well as the freakin' Grey's Anatomy band covers Kanye's "Heartless."

For the 10 millionth time, I will not Tweet. I refuse to do it. And, if, by God, you make me do it, I will burn your house down, pee on the ashes, burn the ashes, and take a dump on them. I mean it!

Yvonne Strahovski on Chuck provides us fanboys with the much-needed super female spy sexiness that we've sorely missed with Jennifer Garner's Sydney Bristow on Alias. Last night's episode was that proof. [Screen grabs here and video here. WARNING: White cotton panty action.]

I find a lot of irony that a Taco Bell in Indiana has been the hot bed for rampant sexual activity. The downer: it took kids who walked-in on the action in progress for the shit to be exposed. Video here.

Finally, get ready to make your own Godfather/"I got a horse head in my bed" jokes now. Story HERE.