Cooter Shooter: Friday Afternoon's Suck: The Anticipation Kills Me

My twisted vision of what Fiddler on the Roof would look in 1994.

I hate Friday afternoons. All you do is wait until the end of your work week but it feels like the longest wait of all time. Longer than Brady Quinn waiting in the green room of the NFL Draft in 2007. With that said here's what I've been looking at in my hungover yet obsessive-compulsive state of mind.

I'm on "State" Watch

I am holding on to my balls for the 7/14 release of The State on DVD. I realized that, albeit random, this ensemble of sketch comedy geniuses (?) made some pretty good shit over the years. Role Models, Wet Hot American Summer, Reno 911!. Who can argue? They made "I'm gonna put my balls in it!" a national phoenomenon.

Everyday is a Wainy Day. Oh, look: Sperm.

Today, I discovered a web series from State-member David Wain called Wainy Days. (Apparently, he meant to say Rainy Days but put his name in there instead. CLEVER!) Anyways, I've spent much of the day watching the first two seasons of these 4-6 minute episodes. Wain is very imaginative and carries on that stroke of genius he instilled in Wet Hot in to these episodes. (He's the one capable of making Christopher Meloni hump a refrigerator with such drama.) Yet one thing puzzles me? How does a guy with Wain's look gets put into situations where he's having sex all the time? Hmmm. I mean there's a part where he does Julie Bowen (the blonde chick from Happy Gilmore). How does he hook that up? Anyways, season four is around the corner. Catch up with the show at mydamnchannel.com.

Lil' Wayne Charms the Pants Off The View Ladies

Lil' Wayne looked like a cross of Austin Powers, Whoopi Goldberg, and Boy George on Friday's The View. Wait. Lil' Wayne was on The View? Zoinks!

Anyways, the ladies poke and prod at his body over all the tattoos he has. And don't forget them shiny-ass teeth. They also veer into Wayne's recreational drug use. I call shenanigans on Wayne "not needing drugs."

He must be the biggest BS-er. His virginity story doesn't do him well either.

One Last "State"-ment

The State - MTV Shows

It's a bunch of Jewish comedians making a mockery of devout Catholic Italians. Remember, it's for the POPA!

Cooter Suiter: One Line Thoughts for 4/21

The Rebel Force will be run by wookies. 'Nuff said.

Picture above is actually that of Iranian snipers and not wookies. But in your heart of hearts, Chewie's species don't need AKs to kick ass.

Lily Allen was on The View, essentially down-playing her real-life role as a "popwreck." I want to believe her, but I can't. That third nipple of hers is all the reason.

Apparently, The Fray likes "fish sticks" as well as the freakin' Grey's Anatomy band covers Kanye's "Heartless."

For the 10 millionth time, I will not Tweet. I refuse to do it. And, if, by God, you make me do it, I will burn your house down, pee on the ashes, burn the ashes, and take a dump on them. I mean it!

Yvonne Strahovski on Chuck provides us fanboys with the much-needed super female spy sexiness that we've sorely missed with Jennifer Garner's Sydney Bristow on Alias. Last night's episode was that proof. [Screen grabs here and video here. WARNING: White cotton panty action.]

I find a lot of irony that a Taco Bell in Indiana has been the hot bed for rampant sexual activity. The downer: it took kids who walked-in on the action in progress for the shit to be exposed. Video here.

Finally, get ready to make your own Godfather/"I got a horse head in my bed" jokes now. Story HERE.

'The View' Broads Rock Vibrators (Ew!)

Working where I work, I am force-fed "The View" on a daily basis. Listenting to the great bevy of estrogenic point of views just leaves me with this thought: "Is my penis going inwards?"

I'm not gonna bore you with the biological semantics on how that maybe but, hey, look! Those crazy broads are talking about vibrators. How hot downright disgusting! (from BuzzCuts):

Heheh. Barbara Walters got in trouble. She likes self-pleasure. Heheh.