I just made you c*m in your pants with explosions, fast driving, and my husky scrawl.You would think that after two attempts at a sequel, both included big star names like Tyrese, Ludacris, Eva Mendes (actually, there's nothing wrong with her), and Bow Wow, that The Fast and the Furious-er franchise would learn their lesson and keep that "edge-of-your-seat" joy ride for another day. But nooooo. They had to bring the movie back. And bring back the original cast. And bring back the shitty director of the middle two movies.
And apparently, that was enough to draw $30.1 million (?!) on Fast and Furious' Friday opening (they fuckin' ran out of ideas to name this bitch). America, F*CK YOU! How dare you make this picture that brought back Vin Diesel (oh, do I long for another Pitch Black sequel), Paul Walker (he still acts?!), and Michelle Rodriguez (she still acts?!) the biggest opening in April! I blame you, movie-going dense population of middle-America, for solidifying the possibility of a fifth fuckin' F-n-F movie and effectively showing the world that we will watch anything (despite the French still laughing at Jerry Lewis and despite the fact that every person, shit fetishist or not, has seen Two Girls and a Cup). What the hell does this franchise have left? A motion picture of Vin Diesel taking a dump for 90 minutes and then calling it The Fast and The Furious: Vin Diesel's Turd (yes, "turd," in every way, shape, and form of the word). Ok, I'm not being fair to this movie because I haven't seen it. Still, a mighty, hardy middle finger to you, moviegoing public!
And apparently, that was enough to draw $30.1 million (?!) on Fast and Furious' Friday opening (they fuckin' ran out of ideas to name this bitch). America, F*CK YOU! How dare you make this picture that brought back Vin Diesel (oh, do I long for another Pitch Black sequel), Paul Walker (he still acts?!), and Michelle Rodriguez (she still acts?!) the biggest opening in April! I blame you, movie-going dense population of middle-America, for solidifying the possibility of a fifth fuckin' F-n-F movie and effectively showing the world that we will watch anything (despite the French still laughing at Jerry Lewis and despite the fact that every person, shit fetishist or not, has seen Two Girls and a Cup). What the hell does this franchise have left? A motion picture of Vin Diesel taking a dump for 90 minutes and then calling it The Fast and The Furious: Vin Diesel's Turd (yes, "turd," in every way, shape, and form of the word). Ok, I'm not being fair to this movie because I haven't seen it. Still, a mighty, hardy middle finger to you, moviegoing public!
No comments:
Post a Comment