Cooter Shooter: OY! **Slaps Hand to Forehead**

NOTICE...or REMINDER: "Cooter Shooter" is a list of links/stories I have taken from other places. It's virtually theft until I lick it. You know, like little kids marking territory. IT'S MINE!

Even with an international outbreak of potential pandemic implications, Heidi and Spencer still manage to find their way into newsworthyness.

The Hills newlyweds rocked it Michael Jackson-surgical mask style in Cabo on their honeymoon in the midst of the swine flu epidemic, thus, creating the most useless news story that people are giving two craps about. I weep for the future.

Why am I giving a crap? I thought it was amazing to see a rare sight: two whores in surgical masks. Actually, I've seen that before...the porn parody of Scrubs. [TMZ has more]

Hm. Curly hair, scruffy dude with blonde in a club? Why couldn't I think of that?

I'm a Judd Apatow disciple. Not a hardcore one, you know, to the point where you've seen every episode of Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared and you can recite the lines to those shows just as the characters say them. You know, in fact, I have not seen one episode of those shows. Maybe I'm not big an Apatow-phile as I think I am.

Anyways, focusing on Apatow's directed-written-produced movies, the folks at College Humor wrote a song and shot a music video exhibiting the recurring theme of a shlubby everyman scoring the hot girl, thus, marking my day with fantasy, me being a real shlubby guy, of all things.

Let's just file this under the "false hope" category. (BTW, the female in this video's got that Lindsay Sloan cuteness goin' on).

Eds. Note: Freakin' embed player is acting "hooterific." Link is here.

Sean Hannity thinks Kim K. is a role model. Did I mention she took the magic stick on camera?

In today's WhyTF Am I Mentioning This news, Fox News' Sean Hannity equated Kim Kardashian, who was a guest on his aptly named program Hannity, to a "role model for girls." (?!)

Yes, a role model. That Kim Kardashian.

Nelson Mandela is a role model. The Pope, despite the Church's problems, is a role model. Oprah is a role model.

Kim Kardashian is an amateur pornographer and divorcee who got famous for associating with other people who got famous just for walking and putting on pouty faces, who also has O.J. Simpson as a godfather. Role model? Yeah, if it's for growing a big ass and lovin' the blacks in a totally not racial-equality type of way.

My God, Fox News is Dumb

Yesterday, I posted video of forthright Canadian mental case Tom Green in an expletive-laden outburst against Fox News and Red Eye moderator Greg Gutfeld. (ORIGINAL STORY) Green's tirade was in response to Gutfeld and a panel of "young, edgy, patriotic conservatives" essentially reaming Canada for making plans on scaling back its forces from Afghanistan. Gutfeld even questioned whether Canada had an actual military. Bottom line, the panel lashed at Canada for depending on the U.S. while "terrorism" still exists. Here is the video with that segment from Red Eye:

The way the Red Eye panel (do I even call them political and journalistic aficionados?) reamed Canada without knowing a single shred of fact about the country and apparently going on stereotype to make a satrically-sounding point is f'n bullshit. I'm not saying this to make this an all anti-Fox News rhetoric but to think you know everything there is about Canada and then dismiss them as cowards and deserters is simply hiding behind the fact that your knowledge of everything is lacking. And I hate it when they say that terrorism is still rampant because they rely on the government to know that terrorist attacks happen. Open your eyes to the Middle East and see for yourself what's happening. It's far worse than you could possibly imagine. And American's are not always the primary target. Iraqis are killing their own. What are we going to do about the innocent people dying? We don't do shit for these people yet you "panelist" sit there on your high horse and ream Canada for taking an economical-induced break from fighting? That's like a bully making fun of a kid who farts in public when every freaking person by nature moves their bowels. Half of America can't afford to feed themselves yet you talk about spending $500 billion more on the fighting over there just to stem terrorism hundreds of thousands of miles away? Spend the money here. And if you're going to spend the money on terrorism, spend it on stopping homegrown terrorism and lend some of that money to protect the borders and replenish the armies that Canada and Mexico don't have.

Tom Green deserved to be pissed at these guys. It's jerk offs like them who make other Americans look so GD stupid.

I hate being political on a comedy news blog. I need to smoke. Uh. Oh, yeah, legalize reefer! All reefer, man.

Crazy Canadian: 'F**k You, Fox News'

The crazy thing about this is he actually made a point.

There is no surprise when you can associate Tom Green with something degrading or just downright weird. But the ex-Celebrity Apprentice hopeful came on the offensive after an appearance on Fox News' Red Eye, which is the stupid ass "edgy" show that caters to the young conservative.

According to Comedy Central's Indecision blog, Red Eye host Greg Gutfeld ripped Canada for scaling back its troops from Afghanistan. Gutfeld apparently said something to the effect of "Canada? They have an army? Really?" All this was said after Tom, a Canadian, made an appearance on the late night show.

So that leads us to this video clip where instead of Tom Green milking a cow or humping a dead moose or putting his bum on your lips, we get...er...the same Tom but with a little more compassion and a whole lotta expletives (SNSFW, unless you have balls and don't mind attracting stares toward your work station, then by all means turn this sucker up):

Of course, Gutfeld made an on-air apology. But don't you find it trippy that between Fox News and Tom Green, it's Fox that looks like it made more fool of its self than Tom Green?