Sunday's Three Foregone Conclusions

Eb-Bon-Knee and Eye-Verrr-Reee...Come together in perfect har-mo-knee.

The Lakers are clutch when they need to be. It's a foregone conclusion to see Kobe take over a game especially in big showcase matchups. Kobe erupted for an NBA Finals Career High (how many people can claim that?) of 40 in Game 1 against Orlando on Thursday. But despite his team high 29 points, it was a true team effort that kept L.A. from falling behind against the Magic in Game 2. The Lakers take a 2-0 lead with a 101-96 overtime win. In other Laker-related foregone conclusions, Kobe is more than likely to get away with sleeping with your girlfriend. He can just say I'm Kobe Bryant. Then, panties drop. I'm just sayin'.

That's the look of someone breaking their French virginity.

When Rafael Nadal got bounced from the French Open, it was Roger Federer's tournament to win and nobody else's. It's been a foregone conclusion in the past to see 22-year-old Spaniard Nadal dominate the field on clay at the French Open. They should have just renamed the whole tournament after him. And time after time, Mr. Swiss Miss himself RoFed has fallen victim to Nadal. He's good on grass. He's good on the hard court. He just can't seem to get a handle of the red clay. But Sunday was his time to capture that elusive French Open title, against the guy who beat Nadal, of all people. RoFed won in straight sets to capture his career grand slam (U.S., Australian, Wimbledon, the others) and his record tying 14th Grand Slam title. Good job, ace! Now, we can stop paying attention to tennis for a while. That's if Maria Sharapova and Anna Kournikova release a hot lesbian sex tape tomorrow. Reel me in for that one!

I knew you doubted him. Now, he will make you his bitch.

Tiger Woods is a sick, sick man. There is no golfer in the world that can match what Tiger is doing. He shot a shitty 75 on Saturday at the Memorial in Ohio. Then, he turned it around from 4 strokes behind the lead and took the outright win. I believe I was in awe during his four stroke comeback in April at the Arnold Palmer Invitational. Believe this: this is Tiger's fifth win after coming back from four or more strokes behind the lead. Do not sleep on Tiger. Do not ever sleep on this dude. If Tiger can do the impossible, then I believe I will be able to sleep with a hot blonde, big boobed 20-year-old who likes it in the poop shooter. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!

23 Makes 0-2 Turn Into 1-1

Ok. I'm convinced.

I remembered in the not so distant past that I essentially short-changed the impact of LeBron James. I disposed the man known as "King" as nothing but a high school basketball player with nothing but hype. Because, of course, we've seen how Kwame Brown has affected the NBA. This was in 2003 when LeBron was set to become the number one pick of the Cleveland Cavaliers

Let's flash forward to 2009. LeBron is in the best position of his career to make his Cavs a legitmate NBA title winner. And before Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Championship series with the Orlando Magic, he never faced losing in these playoffs. A blown 14-point lead cost the Cavs game 1. And it looked like on Friday that a blown 23-point lead might sink the Lake Erie kids a little further deep in the series with a Game 2 loss. Down two with one second left, the Cavs had to make the most of their little time to inbound the ball and get a good look at a shot. Enter LeBron James and his trip to the top of the key.

The rest is just lore now for the NBA:

Game 7, Please

The little engine that could. Toot. Toot.

Apparently, the Rockets were the only team that made the trip to Houston for Game Six Thursday. The baby Rockets caught the L.A. Lakers napping Thursday night when they busted out of the gate with an outstanding scoring 1st quarter and held the great and powerful Kobe Bryant to 11-of-27 shooting. All of this happened two nights after the Lakers did the same to the Rockets, winning by 40. The result, just like Game 4 of this Western Conference Semifinal series, was a 95-80 shalacking of the Lake Show and a Game 7 on Sunday.

God, I love it! It's just like 1995 again except we have absolutely no star power on the roster. Plus, I started a strange thing called puberty back then. Now, I have to shave everywhere. You can't bunch up your taint bush, fellas.

Anyways, Aaron Brooks continues to be a scoring beast. The 26th pick overall in 2007 NBA Draft dropped 26 points. Luis Scola, who should have been on the All-Star team this past February, popped L.A. for 24, including the first 10 points of the game.

And all of this is significant because I love the Rockets and hate the Lakers. This makes my lower regions all warm and cuddly inside.

Oh, yeah, Orlando forced a Game 7, as well, against the great and powerful Celtics. If it weren't for that Big Baby Davis muthaf....