Heels-Spartans...Who Do You Got?

Either way, we all win.

My God! You can't help but root for this National Championship game coming up this Monday at Ford Field in Detroit. North Carolina produced a Whacking Day-like...whacking of Villanova, fulfilling half of the prophecy that with at least seven Big East teams in the Tourney, none of them was up to snuff to win the whole enchilada. (Heels over 'Nova in the Nat'l Semis, 83-69.)

In the other Big East wank fest, Michigan State played behind a Spartan-centric crowd (Ford Field is located within 45 minutes from East Lansing) and the aura that the Big Ten is no conference to fuck with (seriously) by dismissing the mighty UConn Huskies, 82-73, in the other Nat'l Semifinal.

So we get a rematch of the same two teams from the Dec. 3, 2008 matchup that also took place at Ford Field. UNC dispatched the Spartans in a 30-point thrashing. Still, it's the Big Ten vs. the ACC. (Holy shit! You never saw that coming. If you predicted an all Big East Final Four, then you were smoking something or your so-called radar for college basketball got busted...don't worry, Dick Vitale, Digger Phelp, Jay Bilas, and Hubert Davis led me astray as well.) But I figure no matter who was in the final, whether it be a wankfest between the Duke Blue Devils and the New York Fashion Institute of Technology (MAKE IT WOOOORK!), then you'd still be drinking, pretending to know that the Tar Heels will make you beat them from the perimeter, and beating your girlfriend for going against you just because it would make you mad...HAHA.

Oh, yeah, we got like hot girls from the Final Four teams from Gunaxin. God bless coeds!

Cooter Scooter: Jewel's Snaggle Tooth, My Final Four Picks, and a "Lost" Preview

When I make these posts, I make it as if I'm passing gas. The smell will linger for a while but it eventually becomes an afterthought and passes away. Then, comes the next one... and the next one... and the next one before suddenly you're wondering "Why am I bleeding out me bum?"

Folk-country singer/songwriter/former full-time car dweller/Alaskan/snaggled toothed Jewel made a rather amusing appearance on last night's Jimmy Kimmel Live, which I have still dismissed as an extension of The Man Show (heh, extension, heh heh). The blonde (imperfect) beauty made a nice little funny PSA on the fact that she's known a wee bit more for her snaggle tooth. She sings too, people! Anyways, here's it is.

I'm surprised Family Guy hasn't created a non-sequiter relating to her tooth. I imagine it would be where Jewel shows up and her tooth is over-exaggerated to where its bigger than her face. I had something bigger than my face, then the doctor cut it away.

I was talking about my penis. Was I too vague?

Yay for my first sports mention of this blog! So yeah. Final Four. Yeah. College basketball. Yeah. **Enter spot for Winona Ryder ping-pong trick.**

I don't know about you but this is actually one of the real things happening in sports all year, aside from the Midwest Mule Whipping Championships, the International Slap Your Irish Wife Senseless Invitational (I believe that was yesterday), and anything having to do with seeing extremely thin and extremely fat people stuff their faces with copious amounts of food. (I have to stop blacking out during these post writings.)

I'm not gonna bore you with the 64 teams (was 65. HAHA. Alabama State FAIL!) participating in the tournament this year. I'm just gonna say that money is riding on this tourney. Money, son! Money, I tells ya! The difference between success and failure in my tourney picks are whether or not I get 160 tacos at Jack in the Box in the end. That's a true trophy there.

Oh yeah: Pitt, Memphis, Syracuse, Michigan State. Pitt-Memphis final, with Pitt winning.

Finally, after a week hiatus, Lost returns with a new episode, and on a night that another favorite of mine, Scrubs, moves to its new day and time. Damn you people at ABC for clustering my favorite shows on one night! Anyways, last that we heard from the Island-wanderers/time travelers/beastialitists (not so sure beastialitists, but yeah), Sawyer, Juliet, Jin, Miles, and Faraday get stuck in 1973 (yes, we've gotten damn ridiculous now), encounter the Dharma natives of the Island, and eventually finagle their way into the cultish like community. Fast forward three years to 1976 and we see Sawyer and Juliet as a happy couple living amongst the Dharmas. That is when Sawyer and Jin come in contact with the returning members of the Oceanic 6, or 5...IDK, man, I care less about semantics. We end the ep, entitled LaFleur, with Sawyer (and, mind you, Sawyer is boning an essentially hot castaway in Juliet, played by equally essentially spicy Elizabeth Mitchell) locking eyes with former crush Kate.

Now, I've already dismissed in my mind my apprehensions and insecurities about watching this show. I've already watched several episodes from this show of this season which are the first eps I've seen ever. I have not turned into a nerd. I have not grown a hard-on over what happens next and theorized about the island. All I know is that this is a pretty awesome show.

Wow, I've come out absolutely positive in reviewing several things on this blog so far save for my affinity for impregnating TV actress. Maybe I'm not as "Tracy Morgan" crazy as I think I am. But that would be a bad thing...