Cooter Looter: ...And the Other Crap of the Day

I steal stories. You read them. It's a win-win, fool.

LeBron Loves Coke

If you thought the first Nike MVPuppets sketch implied a little something about Lebron James going Scarface on that china whyte, then here's a redubbed vid of the Lebron puppet "loving" cocaine (!)

Shamwow! It's Paper Towels!

It's the best thing since the Shamwow! PAPER TOWELS! Holy shit! I spilled soy sauce!

Mr. T Pities the Fool...and Peanuts and Cracker Jacks

When I think of the best vocalists in the world, Mr. T doesn't necessarily pop into my consciousness. But he apparently practiced and performed "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at Wrigley Field, continuing the dubious trend of non-singing celebrities to rape the 7th inning tradition in Chicago.

Fo' it's 1...2...3 strikes you out!

Trash TV Returns

I don't care how groundbreaking MTV's The Real World has been to television. Those serious talks about AIDS and alcoholism and sexism and homophobia got squirted into a napkin a long time ago. I blame the Las Vegas cast for starting it.

Anyways, after a botched attempt to revive consciousness in the series, RW relocates to Cancun. I wonder if social issues come up now. I believe they tackle world hunger in this one...and, also, lesbianism...and, yes, body shots in cravasses you didn't know you had.

Oh, yeah. Big Brother returns to CBS in July. We could really use a house full of 20-somethings and at least one MILF again just like Season 9.

Finally, Here's Neil Patrick Harris Dancing with Elmo. ENJOY!

Cocaine Goes Digital, Still Highly Addictive

And coming soon to the iPhone: the heroin app.

I've vowed not to get an iPhone in its current incarnation. I mean, despite the cool features and apps you can download, my thumbs are simply too fat to type on the screen, and, of course, fat nerds like me have to get the texting and the typing and whatnot with relative ease.

But despite that, I think this iSnort app that I came across maybe the least productive yet most downloadable app you could get. It's cocaine that's less harmful for you. LESS harmful. All you need are a credit card and a rolled-up dollar bill. And soon enough, you're Tony Montana with a mountain of blow on your desk.

A demonstration, please:

At least, it's not as lame as this app. This legitamizes the "how can you keep an idiot busy" question.