Cooter Scooter: Seth Rogen, "Lost" Review, and Some New ABC Shows

Dammit, I wish I could work at home all the time. Shit would be off the hook.

He really is committed to that Green Hornet role.

Guess who came out thinner than he usually is? Seth Rogen looked mighty skinny and mighty fit as he came out for his interview for Late Night with Jimmy "Douchebag" O'Douchebag last night. The dude was promoting his next movie Observe & Report, which, to me, looks like the R-rated version of that Kevin James-stinker Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

Good for Seth Rogen, I guess. If I was a stoner overactor who got in good with a movie director that was destined for stardom, then that would be my meal ticket out of this blow hole of a desert. But no jealousy. All kudos and congratulations. BTW, is that the dude from Crash and Shooter and World Trade Center in Observe & Report. He can do comedy too?

Oh, Kate. So dirty and yet so f-able.

So this week was a "Kate episode" of Lost. I hate when the show centers on one character and then the following day at work, all my co-workers start saying "Sayid is a bad-ass. You could tell. They were flashbacking to him a lot." Or "Jack is a real F-up, man; Just shoot yourself and get it over with!"

Nevertheless, we're slowly finding out the details on what led each of the Oceanic 6 to go back to the island. We've heard from Sayid, who last episode tried to get it on with a beautiful ribeye-sucking woman bounty hunter, got transported to the 1977 version of the island in handcuffs, captured by the Dharmas, befriend a young Ben Linus, and then escape the clutches of the Dharmas just to shoot the creepily-looking Ben in the chest. I felt a sense of self-worth and sadism with that shooting.

Anyways, we follow Kate in the ep titled What Ever Happened, Happened taking up her fake motherly duty in dual time periods. He gives up Aaron, not her son BTW, to the boy's grandmother in order to go back to the island to find the boy's mother. Then, he takes on the duty to saving the 12-year-old Ben Linus. I still don't give a crap if he is a kid, considering what Linus would become. And with this, we get next week's "judgment" of the grown up Ben Linus. ABC.com's summary for the next ep Dead is Dead reads this: "To atone for sins of the past, Ben must attempt to summon the smoke monster in order to be judged." Oooo. The smoke monster returns. Finally, he'll unmask himself to reveal that he's Dom Deluise. Your guess is as good as mine.

He still sucks dick for coke.

Finally, ABC is set to roll out the finest programs for midseason. ("Finest" used very loosely, BTW) First, Bob Saget returns to the network that made him an unlikely star with Surviving Suburbia (9:30 p.m., Monday). No Full House here. Save for the coke addict guy that sucked dick for coke in Half-Baked, the patriarch role suits him well. And now that he has an edge about him as exhibited in his stand-up and, most raunchily, his twist on The Aristocrats joke, we can expect him to be the filthy dad with a heart...right? I'll be watching. But I ain't watching no tired-ass Dancing With the Stars before it. Shawn Johnson still in right? Maybe, I will watch.

Then, the new cop drama The Unusuals hits the air waves in the old Life on Mars time slot Wednesdy at 10 p.m. From all the promos running, it looks like they gathered a bunch of people acting in first run episodics and just crammed then into a police drama with a twist. (I'm still unclear as to what it's all about.) I don't, however, buy Amber Tamblyn as a cop. Nope. There's no way you're coercing me into her role. She was talking to dead people in that one show she was in. Or was that God through other people? Fuck, if I know. She was definitely passing those jeans in that sisterhood, right? I just don't buy it at all, dammit. Oh, yeah, the show has Michael from Lost and Adam Goldberg from **INSERT QUIRKY MOVIE, TV SHOW HERE**.

Keira Knightly Gets Beat...for a PSA

I was enjoying my morning. I woke up, looked up the headlines across the interwebs, had my morning cup of coffee. Then, to my surprise, we get this: a public service announcement about domestic violence, with Keira Knightly no less. She gets beat for a good 30 seconds. Now, however you look at this, whether it's to put light on a horrible domestic epidemic or to stoke the flames of sadism in you, this is still pretty f*cked up, no matter how fake the hits are. I will say that Knightly seems like a method actress so she will get a rib cracking or two if she needs to complete a performance to the best of her ability. Maybe that was what Rihanna was doing, "method acting."

The Dodgers Totally Turn Me On

This is the greatest non-porn porn I've ever seen in my entire life ever.

Opening Day in the Majors starts this Sunday. I'm keeping my eye on those Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles. What with all this talk about Manny Ramirez and the Dodger blue, I figure we take a gander of 5 or so minutes of a girl in a bikini blowing up an inflatable Dodgers beach ball.

Did I forget to mention that it's a girl in a bikini blowing? Thought I should tell you. (Until a chick in string bikini does the same thing to an inflatable Houston Astros beach ball for 6 minutes, I will have to alternate my allegiance to the Blue Boys...Blue Balls? Boy, do I have some blue balls.)

[Walkoff Walk/With Leather]

The Cooter Primer for the Weekend: Muthaf*ckin' Beach Boys!

If you'd rather hear a f*ckin' Flo Rida song, get the f' out!

I would say I'm firmly in my 20s enjoying the life of the young and vibrant. I don't mind the regular dance hit from Soulja Boy or the angst and pomp of My Chemical Romance. But it's rarely in these days that you discover a hit that was simmering under the pop consciousness for over 30 years. "Sail On, Sailor" solidifies the hit making machine that the Beach Boys were already.

There's a whole backstory with the making of this song. I will not bore you with it but, my God, does it make me comfortable and long for days out on the water or, in my current location, sunset in the mountains. The song basically gives you that sense of accomplishment, that, yes, you are sailing the course of your life and you're doing a hell of a good job doing it. So I give to you, as you are sailing towards the blissful waters of the weekend, this song. (My God, could I write anything more douchey?)

Sail On Sailor - Beach Boys

NBC Station: F*CK YOU, LENO!

Angry blogger, too: F*CK YOU, LENO!

Finally, somebody agrees with me about the Jay Leno primetime jump to 10 p.m. For the record, I think Leno's planned move to a nightly primetime schedule, which will end 35 minutes before The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, is so wrong on so many levels. Leno knew he was losing his spot four years ago and, being the hard-headed prick that he is, he used his so-called "pull" at NBC to keep his name in the social conscious. NBC froze, then flinched, and essentially let Leno butt-rape them and Conan O'Brien into creating the new show. Leno's move just steals the thunder of Conan's stint on The Tonight Show. The only way TTS with Conan O'Brien will work is if the Leno show is entirely different from the Conan show, or some body assassinates this Leno weasel into oblivion.

There's also the move WHDH in Boston, MA reportedly pulled. The NBC-affiliated station owned by the good folks at Sunbeam Television announced through its website that it will launch a new 10 p.m. hourlong newscast essentially pre-empting the Leno show this fall, Variety reported today. And sure enough, when NBC caught wind of this news, the smell of a shit storm was on the horizon. NBC said the pre-emption will put WHDH in breach of its affiliation contract and they will not hesitate to pull its affiliation. WHDH said the move was "purely financial," aka the hell with Jay Leno! Who gives a shit about NBC anyways? They are a far cry from the days of Seinfeld and Friends. They recently aired that Momma's Boy reality dating show essentially putting the net on "jump the shark" status. And the best part of this is that this is happening in Leno's hometown. May I also mention that it's Conan O'Brien's hometown as well. WHDH definitely let everyone know who they are behind.

Now, all NBC stations! Follow your affiliated brethren in taking Jay Leno off the air! Oh, yeah, F*CK YOU TOO, KEVIN EUBANKS!

Brüno Trailer Ünearthed...Ürethra...Ümbrella...

This week has been unforgivenly slow on Ze Cooter. I'm sick today. Liquids are coming out of orifices I've never knew I had. Too much?

How come it's the journalists that cause the greatest havoc?

No confused Kazakh journalists here. No uneducated English hip-hopper either. Sacha Baron Cohen is set to introduce the world to Brüno, the documentary-comedy featuring Cohen's third alter ego -- a gay fashion journalist from Europe. It looks like we're getting the same "fish-out-of-water" concept with Brüno where he attempts to embarrass unsuspecting people while in the guise of a writer learning about the cultures of America. But expect the results to be cringingly funny.

The SNSFW trailer features a swingers party, dildo self-defense, and what could be the most racially-charged act of cinema since Birth of a Nation. (That's right, I made a historical film reference. You forgot that I'm a film geek. You know, I'm a geek about everything. It's not your fault that you're two or three rungs under me on the ladder of awesomeness.)

Get Ready to "Make It Work" This Summer

Tim Gunn, believe it or not, is my hero. No man can pass for straight and come up with such keen fashion sense like him. He is straight, right?

The suck fest that is the lawsuit over the airing of Project Runway's sixth season has come to an end. In a statement by NBC Universal, the owner of the former home to PR, Bravo, the Weinstein Company, which began with two keen, fat, possibly gay Jewish brothers,will pay the peacock-globe company to air the program. (Once again, EW.com reported on the story first. GR!)

"NBC Universal, The Weinstein Company and Lifetime have resolved their disputes," read a statement released today by NBC Universal, which owns Bravo, Runway's home for five seasons. "The Weinstein Company will pay NBCU for the right to move Project Runway to Lifetime. All of the parties are pleased with the outcome.

(When The Weinstein Co. announced last April that Runway would be moving to Lifetime, NBC Universal sued for breach of contract. Eventually, The Weinstein Co. countersued NBC Universal for allegedly failing to properly promote season 5, and Lifetime then sued both parties.)

The rest of the article goes on to tell what Lifetime and the Weinstein Company said about the end of the legal battle. I love what they say because it's a virtual wanking-fest among Lifetime, NBC, and the Weinsteins. And it's very ironic considering each party sued each other and I believe a trading of a mule and a couple of loaves of bread were involved...and I think there was a part where Christian Soriano had to actually do it with a girl. Anyways, the show is coming back and the questioning of my manhood will return. God, I still love Project Runway.

This has absolutely nothing to do with PR except that it's what I still consider the hottest thing Heidi Klum has done.