Comic Book Movie Rumors Alive!

Seven. Minute. Abs!

Whoever came up with the idea to use comic books as a movie industry business model must have been one big wanker. It just seems if you think up of an obscure or rarely used comic book character, we can make a movie about that mutant and/or superhero. Out of this, we got Blade, Iron Man, Hulk, Ghost Rider, The Punisher, Spawn. I'm definitely not undervaluing the reach of these characters as far as fandom is concerned but what will be made next? A Black Vulcan movie with Todd Bridges in the lead? How about an "origins" flick on Solomon Grundy? No. No Super Friends movie either? God, you're no fun.

Speaking of wankers, the big wigs at Fox and Warners might have their guys for their respective comic book projects. Essentially, Fox wants to make a Wolverine spin-off with Ryan Reynolds' chracter Deadpool as the main character, according to Variety, and Warners apparently added Bradley Cooper (you know, that guy in those movies you always see but can't identify...shit, IDK) to the big pool of candidates for that Green Lantern wank-fest, according to Hitfix. (I'm really tired and hungover. I've tuned out of this post entirely.)

Bottom line is, if I hear once more how Deadpool wasn't emphasized in the Wolverine movie, I'm going to get knifes and forks of my own, tie them around my hands, and start going to town on every woman and child I see walking down the street. Or expose myself. Whichever seems more traumatic. Yes, the drapes match my pubes.

Wolverine Whacks-Off Wondrous Walrus Waltz (A Review)

Adult swim.

Um. X-Men Origins: Wolverine felt like your basic summer movie fodder. Action was emphasized. Special visual effects were emphasized. Actors bringing life to comic book characters with special powers were emphasized. Hugh Jackman's rugged, muscular exterior was definitely emphasized. Yet, the movie makers forgot to bring storytelling and effective dialogue along with them.

There was nothing really breaking the glass ceiling with this feature, which I saw over the weekend. (Yes, I was one of the bastards that bought into the $10.50 fare at the local megaplex.) All it did was emphasize why comic book movies are needed in this period of economic follie. A sure fire blockbuster is needed to guarantee box office sales and legitimize the movie industry. Whatever works for you, guys. But it becomes extra tough for the young, up-and-coming movie writers and screen directors to push little known, seemingly unpromising work to the consciousness of the Hollywood executive machine. (I have to stop politicizing my posts. I'm becoming less and less cynical....Your mother's a whore. Hehehe.)

Anyways, the performances were on par with how they were expected through the movie. We had our old, decrepate asshole government colonel who wanted to push his agenda and manipulate the main characters. However dry this was done, it was done just right. And we had archnemeses fighting each other and putting motivation and emotion into it (Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber's performances. Bravo, fellas.) We had Van Wilder becoming a badass again in the movie, a freakin' Black Eyed Pea, that dude from Lost and Smokin' Aces, that other guy from Lost and The Lord of the Rings, and we have Ms. Lynn Collins.

Run away with me, I said with the fact known that she's married to that guy who made things on fire in that Sky High movie.

Now, you're probably not familiar with Ms. Collins, who played the "persuasive" mutant and Wolverine's love interest Kayla Silverfox (silverfox, indeed. Rawrrr). She's from Texas (check). She's played super hotness female seductress before (check). And she's a ringer for another hot brunette Emily Blunt. (check) She's married, though, to a dude who I'm older than and is seven years her senior. (dammit!) Anyways, I didn't know who she was either before seeing the movie. That was until this pic from Allure Magazine surfaced into my consciousness and into my "whack it" collage.

Oh, yeah, what was I talking about? Wolverine was mediocre at best and did not live up to the already lofty expectations set by The Dark Knight and Iron Man. But to be fair, The Dark Knight was a psychological thriller more than a comic book movie. And Iron Man was a vehicle for Robert Downey, Jr.